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| Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay | | |
| I never write in this thing anymore. I don't know if it's even a matter of not having time so much as it is that I just don't really seem to have the ability to organize thoughts much these days. I am all over the place and it drives me crazy.
I'm having a really hard time figuring out and deciding who I am and who I want to be right now. For so long I thought I was this one way and now I kinda feel like my "world" - - the "Melissa world" is being turned upside down and now I'm all discombobulated (however the heck you spell that). I have a lot of questions but not really many answers and that drives me absolutely insane because I am a very logical and fact-based person. How, why, and when are some words that basically sum up my life right now.
Dale gets here Saturday. Sometimes I am really excited and other days I'm kinda numb to it. I have this little voice in my ear that is always like "what's the point?", but I'm trying to ignore it and at least give it a chance and not run for once. When I watch Runaway Bride it's scary cuz I could see myself doing that. I have actually dreamed about doing that - - running away on my wedding day. How messed up is that? It's not like I'm a whore or a maneater or whatever, I just think forever is a REALLY long time. How can you guarantee that you will be happy and content with the same person for like 50+ years... or even 10 years for that matter. You can't guarantee something like that. I dont even know where this is going so I think I should stop. In all fairness though, I did warn you that my thoughts are all over the place. | | |
| So I have pretty much decided to quit my job at the preschool because I HATE it and a lot of stuff has happened that I just can't, and shouldn't have to, deal with anymore. I applied to work at Lifestyle Family Fitness Center as a Kid's Program Attendant and also at Border's Books, so we'll see what happens.
Also, I think that I am gonna NOT go to grad school and go to Cosmetology school instead. It would only take about 9 months and I would be certified to do hair and makeup, which are two things that I love!!!! That would be like the coolest job ever - - working at a salon or spa.
I took my first DLP test today and it went pretty well I think. My mom had helped me study last night so that definately helped and I felt good when I was taking it. I love DLP and not having to go to class or anything and just being free to do things on my own schedule. Good times man!
Ok, well I have a busy day tomorrow so I need to get to bed. | | |
| I was in a funk yesterday but now I'm over it thankfully. This has definately been one interesting week though FOR REAL! I got home from my cruise Sunday night and I had picked up a virus in Puerto Rico so all Sunday night and Monday I was puking my brains out , then Tuesday and Wednesday my brother had it (how nice of me to share huh?) Tuesday I was supposed to work 12-6 at the preschool, but nobody had called to tell me that the school had closed for the hurricane watch, so I showed up and all the doors were locked and nobody was there. Uhhh thanks guys. And it wasn't even raining, so there was no reason to close the school. Other than that though my week has been pretty slow and uneventful.
Tomorrow, I'm taking a group of high school girls to the mall so that should be fun. This is the fun part of my internship - - getting paid to do fun stuff like go to the beach, the mall, wakeboarding, etc with high schoolers (sometimes middle schoolers) . The not so fun part is the office work, but it's minimal and my boss rocks so it's ok.
I'm taking my first DLP test Monday at my proctor's house so hopefully I have studied the right things and will do well. It's weird not having an actual class and stuff to get a better idea of what I'm doing, but I think I'll be ok.
Well, I need to get in the shower if I want to have time to blow dry and straighten my hair so I don't have to deal with it in the morning too much. peace out | | |
| So first, since this is Memorial Day Weekend and all and we're supposed to remmeber those who either lost their lives serving our country or are currently serving now or served at anytime really.. I want to thank two people in my life who mean a lot to me who are both serving in the Armed Forces. John Walker (Army) and Joshua Peterson (Marines). John is in Iraq already and Joshua will be going in September. I love you guys!
Moving on.... I know that a lot of people will probably disagree with me but there is something that just REALLY irks me about church today. So this morning I was sitting in church and something just really hit a nerve.... all the leaders in my church had on jeans and t-shirts and I just really don't think that's appropriate. And just to make it clear, I don't go to a church like Brentwood in Lynchburg where it's all college kids and whatever. My church is a pretty big church and all my life it was pretty traditional, kind of like Thomas Road. Anyways, I just really don't believe it's appropriate to come to church dressed in jeans and t-shirts, especially not for leaders. Now, I know some people are like "well God doesn't care what you wear" or "God wants you to come as you are", and that's true, but at the same time we are also supposed to present God with our Best. If jeans is the best you have then by all means, wear jeans, but if you have the ability to wear something nicer than jeans, than shouldn't we? I mean if you aren't going to dress up for God, then who are you going to dress up for? I dunno, maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it really bothered me today to see people in jeans and even shorts in church. I'll tell you right now, my kids will not be going to church in shorts and flip-flops, ever.
I am so glad that tomorrow is a holiday and I don't have to work. Cuz that means only 4 more days of work and then my vacation begins!!!! I'm really excited about this one too cuz I really need a week to just relax and have some fun. Puerto Rico, St. Thomas, St. Maarten, Curaco, and Aruba.. who could ask for more? | | |
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